I know how it feels to see evil and have everybody pretend that it is not there. Though I would scream and shout no one would listen. I became the bad guy. I have anger problems. I was the bitter one. I have to let go. All because I saw what was going to happen. But everybody likes to see things first, in front of their faces, under their noses. If it does not concern them now, it won't concern them later. Even when I draw it out. Even then they cannot see. They would just refuse. Even when something happens. I never say I told you so anymore. It is pointless to idiots. How do people get so deluded in their own thoughts. But am I doing it too, you may say. Screw you. There is a difference. And that's a stupid excuse too. I don't know. It is written that the evil are like the grass that will wither and die. I'd rather see them burn. But where is redemption? Don't they deserve a chance? I know. But it feels that things won't change, nor will people sometimes. Still that is how I feel. I guess on earth I cannot ask for much. Injustice prevails here. The bad guys always win even when they are defeated because in their path lies a wake of destruction. They die, but so do a lot of people who did not need to. They have nothing to lose. Though in the end God wins. Still, I cannot believe how people are blind. What do you want me to do, they say. Anything but pretend it is not there, I say.
posted by Jason at 12:06 AM
Again. Do not try to understand. But look at yourself. What do you see?
posted by Jason at 11:57 PM
Gotta stop running this hamster wheel. Getting nowhere. Getting lost into myself again. Petty. Got to jump out, or get back to the center. I don't know what to believe or who to trust but God. Even still, I'm here and I have no choice but to face the world, though it hurts my eyes and weighs upon my soul. I have always thought I did not need or want. Maybe I'm just fooling myself. I still hurt. I wish I was not a human. I still bleed. Just watch it flow. Don't fight or it will bleed more. Don't pick or it will never heal. Trying to make things right, chipping away at things, trying to make it how I want it to be. Bending reality. But I know better. How come I cannot get away from myself. Who is in me? What is this war? I am fighting an evil. But the evil is me. I must die now.
posted by Jason at 11:56 PM
I'm restless now. Probably because I'm so tired. But if I sleep, I might wake.
posted by Jason at 2:22 AM 